Shameless 2
Duck Vaginas
1 I was at a bar the other night, it doesn’t matter where because I’m lying. 2 But, um- I was… – I was at a bar, and, uh, um, I was waiting for the bathroom for a really long time. 3 There was a guy in the bathroom and I’m waiting for him. 4 And then after a while, this guy that works there walks by. 5 He goes, “Are you still waiting?” 6 And I’m like, “Yeah.” 7 So he bangs on the door and he goes, “Come, asshole, shit and get out!” 8 And then he walks away. 9 I was in New York. 10 I went to a-uh, I went to this Polish meat place in New York, and I go to the guy at the counter, 11 I was like, “Hey, could I get a sandwich?” 12 And he’s like, “Yes!” 13 And he just made me a sandwich. 14 Heh, heh, heh. That was it. 15 He didn’t ask me what kind or anything--He just made it. 16 It had, like, raisins and bones in it. 17 What the fuck? 18 People from other countries eat weird food, man. 19 I was in Chinatown, and, uh, you know one of the groceries. 20 I know that’s not another country, but, uh, you know – ha ha ha – you-you know the grocery stores in Chinatown. 21 They’re for the Chinese people. 22 They eat their actual food. 23 And, uh, I was in one of those, and they-they had duck vaginas, I swear to god. 24 A huge barrel of fuckin’ duck vaginas… 25 With a scoop stuck in it. 26 Yeah! – and I’m standing there just staring at this fucking huge… 27 And I’m thinking, Could we possibly dominate a species more than that--than that-we’re selling their vaginas in a fucking barrel? 28 Ducks are just like, “Dudes… Jesus. 29 You won the war...Take it easy--you don’t have to sell our vaginas.” 30 I didn’t get any, because I don’t want to know. 31 What if I love duck vaginas? 32 I don’t want to find out. 33 It’s not like millions of things taste like a fucking duck vagina. 34 It would be very specific to be addicted to that. 35 Not for me.