Tell Your Girlfriend I Said, "Thanks"
1 Thanks for not dying before you got here. 2 Which could’ve happened. – Thanks for getting through the traffic. 3 I drove here, and on the way here I saw a bumper sticker on a car. 4 And it said, uh, it said, “Tell your girlfriend I said thanks.” 5 Isn’t that a little personal for a bumper sticker, really? 6 A bumper sticker should be like, “Hey, I’m in front of you, buh-baa,” whatever, you know. 7 Not, “hey, I fucked your girlfriend.” 8 You really want that on your car all day for whoever’s behind you? 9 “Tell your girlfriend I said thanks.” 10 How does he know I’m not behind him just getting mad, and… Crazy, taking it personal. 11 “Motherfucker… ” 12 I follow him home, I get out of my car in his driveway with a pipe. 13 “What the fuck does that mean? 14 Thank her for what, exactly? 15 Wait a minute, you fucked my girlfriend? 16 Then you made that bumper sticker and found me in traffic and got in front of me? 17 Woo! Motherfucker." 18 And I just beat him to death with a pipe right there in his driveway, mm, mm! 19 And jerk off on his corpse. 20 Didn’t need that part... Didn’t need it. 21 The story was totally complete without the jerking off on the corpse. 22 It’s too late.
| SHAMELESS | CHEWED UP | HILARIOUS | BEACON | OH MY GOD | 2017 |